Born in the late 60s, my childhood was one of what seems now like normality. A time when children played outside, getting dirty without being worried about scuffing their shoes or damaging their latest designer gear.
A time when everybody knew everybody, so there was no chance of getting away with the slightest misbehaviour. This was a time when children got grounded and stayed in their room because they were scared of the repercussions and when the local policeman on the beat would drag you home by your ear or your collar if you were found getting up to no good. When you got there looking shamed and dishevelled, your father would usually give you a crack round the ear for inconveniencing the policeman and for bringing disgrace to the door.
There were no computers in this perfect time, we had things called pens and paper and sometimes pencils and, if you wanted to work out a mathematic equation or something similar at school, we had this amazing device that worked like a calculator, but attached to the human body it was called a brain.
I remember my very first kiss, it was a red haired boy whom I thought was wonderful. Now when I think of that boy, I also remember the night-time lamp posts that would glisten on the streets through the mist, tall and overbearing like giant dinosaurs.
To me, these great structures symbolised romance, a place to meet just before my parents would call me in for supper & bed.
Through the day, those monsters of beauty took on a whole different perspective, becoming merely a place of childhood enjoyment. We’d lasso a rope onto it’s protruding arm, and swing around for hours laughing and joking and screaming with glee.
Maybe it’s all a figment of the mind, but looking back it was a time when summers were hot and the winters were freezing cold and snowy.
Deciding what to wear was never difficult, we had one set of summer clothes, and one set of winter clothes 2 if you were lucky.
My summer clothes were a vest and shorts and My winter clothes, trousers, a warm woolly jumper and big coat.
What wonderful times! fantastic times! but would it seem strange to say that they hold no more significance in my life today than if my memories had been traumatic and abusive?????
What a really strange concept you might think, that the bad times hold no more significance than the good times and vice versa but I have come to accept this as fact.
These days I spend my time working with those who have experienced trauma in their past. Many have carried this trauma from childhood through the years into adult hood.
It’s so easy, yet very sad to find, that for all those years a person may have lived in the illusion that the past is real and significant in the present day.
In reality, the past is simply nothing more than a memory, a photographic negative depicting a picture of how life once was. It can’t be altered no matter how beautiful or traumatic and neither can it be touched or impacted. Therefore, wasting precious energy on something that disappeared the moment it happened is quite pointless.
So…….if the past really is no more than a memory, with no bearing on our present life, how come so many people are in Therapy trying to resolve past childhood issues? This is a really interesting question, and honestly speaking, your guess is as good as mine.
Surely if a person can’t re-live their most beautiful experiences exactly how they were when they remember them, they will never be able to re-live their negative experiences no matter how many times they try to re-visit them, and anyway………which fool would want to??
Personally, I believe we are all born with a inherent ability to heal ourselves from the trauma in our lives but In order to do this, we must learn to grasp the concept of NOW.
Think about it for a minute………..The past happened, it was real, and you were involved in it. The moment it happened however, it was gone, that moment of pain and anguish was over. Maybe it was replaced with a new one but that particular moment of pain and anger was gone and so on and so on.
Nothing in our lives is permanent but don’t just accept this theory as true! Try this little test.………..
Look at the time on your clock or mobile phone and now look again the time may look the same but it’s a second later. You can only have the experience of seeing the time as it actually is ONCE and it’s the same with memories and the past.
It’s true, that some people have beautiful childhood memories, and incredibly sad that many go through life desperately clambering to grab just one moment of those carefree times, those beautifully deceptive illusions that rear their heads in times of chaos. Then there are those who’s younger years were sadly filled with sadness and trauma and who spend their years desperately clambering to let go. How completely absurd to live in a world of clambering deluded desperation, when there’s really no need to waste precious energy on either, nor is there any need to worry about the illusion that is the future which hasn’t even happened yet.
Let’s start preserving energy and living for today being the best that we can be!
“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.”